Category Archives: Insomniac Non Sequitur

A blog by smile from The Lower East Side.

A harbinger of things to come. . .

Escaped Orangutan
"I will only talk to Roddy McDowall!"

In what seems to be a continuing global trend, another primate escaped from captivity and went after a human woman. You can click the picture to watch video of the latest escape and capture in Taiwan. The news readers seem to get a big kick out of it, but despite what the zoo propagandists would have you believe, an escaped primate is some serious shit. There are myriad ways a primate can fuck up a human such as inflicting puncture wounds, blunt force trauma, and good old fashioned herpes. The truly disturbing thing about all these stories is that the people in charge are generally like, "Duh. . . How did the gorilla escape? Um. . . fucked if I know!"

This Preview is Definitely NOT Approved by the MPAA

Sylvester Stallone
"Yabba dabba doo!"

Rambo is no fucking joke. For real. I had to watch this trailer three times to make sure it wasn’t some kind of fan mash up. In any case, this is the most outrageous shit since Escape 2000. John Rambo 4 should be subtitled Leatherface Is A Bitch. The first half of the trailer is typical Stallone: hunting fish with an archery set while mumbling something about “not my business” and “not change anything.” At the midway point, the growth hormone kicks in and it is all about tearing people UP!! Literally. Watch this preview if you can stand it, but be warned: the tagline for John Rambo 4 for should be “The first one he decapitates. The second one he OBLITERATES. . .”

Continue reading This Preview is Definitely NOT Approved by the MPAA

R-Rated Simpsons Movie?

Patty And Selma Smoking
Will more lesbians now be encouraged to take up smoking?


The MPAA recently announced that they would take cigarette smoking into account when deciding on the rating for a movie. Certain anti-smoking groups would like movies depicting smoking to be automatically rated R. During a commercial break on the 400th (!) episode of The Simpsons tonight, an ad for the upcoming Simpsons Movie mentioned that it was unrated. (It also mentioned that it was unfinished, which is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in a movie promo. Why even mention something like that?) This got me wondering if, given the amount of regular smoking that many of the characters engage in on the series, if The Simpsons Movie could possibly get an Rrating.


Continue reading R-Rated Simpsons Movie?

If I Wrote Scrubs

If I Wrote Scrubs
Click the thumbnail for the full sized strip.

A satirical three panel comic strip. WARNING: Contains explicit language. If you still want to read it, click the thumbnail for the full size image.

A quick clip and a funny thought (or is that the other way around?)

Who's Gonna Train Me?

Before I write the post on integrated advertising, I have to take a nap so that I won’t become a rambling incoherent mess, because then the piece would suck. In the meantime, I just thought I would point out that most of the internet has some type of product placement on it. The website this blog sits on has ads on it from various. . . well, advertisers; though you may not realize that if you’re getting it through RSS or e-mail.

The clip is from a site called Revver. They host your video and integrate an ad at the end of it. If someone clicks on the ad, Revver makes money which they share with the video maker. Whenever I watched the clip here, there was an ad for a television show called Acceptable.TV at the end of it. (The ads are supposed to rotate, so you might get something different.) Acceptable.TV is basically a serialized sketch comedy show with an audience voting element and they have some type of product placement arrangement with Amp’d Mobile, a cell phone company.

Initially, the dude hosting would come out between the sketches and say something like, “Use your Amp’d Mobile phone or any mobile phone to vote!” That wasn’t so bad and obviously fit right in with the phone in aspect of the show. Then someone realized that the sketches go viral, not the interstitials, so they worked the Amp’d Mobile phone into a recurring sketch called Who’s Gonna Train Me?, a pretty funny spoof of boxing reality shows (man, that’s actually a fucking genre!). That’s not the clip I have here.

If you still want to watch the clip I have and you don’t see it on the page, you’ll probably have to click “Continue Reading.” I know that’s a little counterintuitive because you don’t read a video, but that’s what’s you have to do; except you might have to do something different if you’re reading this in an e-mail or RSS feed. The point is, I didn’t want to cram a video into a bunch of people’s inboxes (even if it is only 20 seconds long), so you’ll have to come to the site to see it. I’m sure there’s a link for you to click. . . somewhere.

Continue reading A quick clip and a funny thought (or is that the other way around?)

Zach Braff could take a few pointers from Jennifer Garner

Scrubs In A Bucket

I’m watching the season finale of Scrubs right now and there was just a scene which was essentially a commercial for Travelocity. It’s an example of integrated advertising, the new buzzword for what used to be called product placement. It’s a hardly a new concept, but one that’s been getting a lot of attention lately, because the creative types are getting up in arms over it.

Continue reading Zach Braff could take a few pointers from Jennifer Garner

Ape Escape

Escaped Gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo
Little did they know of the danger lurking in the shadows behind them. . .

The picture above cracked my shit up for about thirty minutes straight when I first saw it about thirty minutes ago (Note: I added the gorilla’s thought bubble). It’s from an article about an escaped gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo. The shit is so wacky that if I didn’t read it at the BBC news site, I wouldn’t have believed it was a true story. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not cool that a woman got hurt while the gorilla was courting her, but the photo illustrates how clueless everyone at the zoo was. I watch 24 and I realize that if you’re looking one way, someone real stealth-like can get the drop on you from behind, but wouldn’t you be able to smell a fucking gorilla?!? Is this gorilla Roddy McDowall? Was he using Degree antiperspirant or something? Topping it off, the zoo workers can’t even figure out how the gorilla managed to escape his cage; the second half of the article reads like a hybrid of Land of the Dead and King Kong. The zoo director is even impressed with the gorilla, gushing, “He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable because gorillas can’t swim.” I like to think he used a tree branch to pole vault over the moat.


I’m just a billy goat / trying to stay afloat

Billy Gibbons
"How do you make a 'Z' with your fingers?"

I just finished watching the season finale of Bones. It took me a couple of hours because I kept dozing off and thought I was dreaming a lot of it; but I’d wake up and rewind it and realize that this a really weird show. If you ever wanted to see David Boreanaz and Ryan O’Neal reenact Fight Club, Bones is the show to watch. I thought I dreamed that shit, but I was awake and watching that part. I rewound that scene twice, I couldn’t process that shit was actually on the show.

Michaela Conlin
Michaela Conlin, quite possibly the hottest scientist on TV.

I’m still trying to figure out how ZZ Top is that really hot Asian scientist’s Dad. Well, not the whole band, just Billy Gibbons, and I mean Billy Gibbons; he’s not playing a role, he’s himself on the show. Man, if your show is about science and genetic type stuff, you need to explain shit like that. I mean, she’s a really, really hot Asian scientist and he’s. . . Billy Gibbons.

On a related note, best wishes to Dusty Hill.

At least he didn’t get naked and play the bongos

Sahara Movie Poster
"I'm not Superman, but I play him when I'm stoned!"

Sahara is on Showtime right now and it’s pretty good. I didn’t expect Matthew McConaughey to come off well as an action hero, but the movie is tailored to his strengths. I never read any of the Dirk Pitt books, but I know Clive Cussler was pissed that his rugged straight arrow hero became a freewheeling stoner hero. Mr. Cussler bad mouthed the movie before it was released, and tried to sue producers because it flopped and made his work look like shit. The jury disagreed with him, and now Mr. Cussler has to pay $5 million for defaming the movie. I’m not sure what’s worse: having to pay the five mill or being told you’re full of shit and need to get over yourself as the primary reason you have to pay the five mill in the first place.

It’s too bad, because this seems like it would make a really good franchise and Mr. McConaughey seemed poised to ride it all the way to being the 21st century Burt Reynolds. Maybe he can remake Smokey and The Bandit with Jessica Biel as Frog, Snoop Dogg as Cletus and R. Lee Ermey as Sheriff Justice, or join the cast of Ocean’s Whatever The Fuck Number They’re Up To At That Point.

HOLY SHIT!! He’s windsurfing a plane across the desert! A fucking plane!! I have to watch the end of this.