Ape Escape

Little did they know of the danger lurking in the shadows behind them. . .

The picture above cracked my shit up for about thirty minutes straight when I first saw it about thirty minutes ago (Note: I added the gorilla’s thought bubble). It’s from an article about an escaped gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo. The shit is so wacky that if I didn’t read it at the BBC news site, I wouldn’t have believed it was a true story. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not cool that a woman got hurt while the gorilla was courting her, but the photo illustrates how clueless everyone at the zoo was. I watch 24 and I realize that if you’re looking one way, someone real stealth-like can get the drop on you from behind, but wouldn’t you be able to smell a fucking gorilla?!? Is this gorilla Roddy McDowall? Was he using Degree antiperspirant or something? Topping it off, the zoo workers can’t even figure out how the gorilla managed to escape his cage; the second half of the article reads like a hybrid of Land of the Dead and King Kong. The zoo director is even impressed with the gorilla, gushing, “He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable because gorillas can’t swim.” I like to think he used a tree branch to pole vault over the moat.