If I were a lesbian surfer, I’d be Melissa (this week, anyway)

I’m going to talk about the first episode of Curl Girls The Series, so you might want to take 30 seconds and watch this video to get everyone’s names straight; alternatively, you can refer back to the video as you read the article.

Meet Logo‘s Curl Girls

If the embedded video doesn’t load, click to watch Curl Girls Intro at YouTube.

Okay, do know everyone’s names? I had a hard time for a while because half these women’s names end in the letter A (Jessica, Vanessa, Melissa). The show wastes no time in jumping right in and setting up three story threads. Since the women only get cursory intro segments, and the whole thing is edited at 90 miles per hour, my head was kind of spinning. A 60 minute run time might have worked better, but the first episode managed to cram a bit of everything into half that: surfing, romance, drama, sexy women in bikinis, heated rivalries, sexual tension plus a lesson in surf ettiquette; if two surfers are going for the same wave, do you know who has the right of way? Watch Curl Girls and find out!

The main story thread, which also sets up the main arc for the series, centers around the "rivalry" between Erin and Vanessa. Vanessa still harbors a bit of a grudge because Erin beat her a in a competition. Though not explicitly stated, the competition they’re referring to was for a sponsorship from the Rocker Board Shop, detailed in the original documentary. Vanessa might have a bit of a point. I wasn’t there, I only saw what was presented in the documentary, but the impression I got was that in a straight up surf contest, Vanessa would beat Erin. Going for a sponsorship is like winning a pageant, though; there’s not just the talent portion, there’s also the interview and swimsuit competition. Both these women are impressive, smart, confident, motivated and would represent well. The swimsuit competition is what did Vanessa in. Don’t get me wrong, she’s really hot in a punk pixie kind of way — which is great. . . if you’re Ellie on Degrassi: The Next Generation. Erin on the other hand is smokin’ hot in a more traditional way: if she had a sister, she’d be Patty to Michaela Conlin‘s Selma, if you catch my drift. The antagonism increases on the water as Vanessa boxes Erin out of a couple of waves and pulls her leash a few times. Erin can’t understand why Vanessa is so aggressive with her. The bad vibes prompt soul surfing, yoga practising Michelle (the apparent Giles of the group) to have to have the circle split into teams to enter an upcoming competition, as she feels Vanessa "just needs another shot at it," to eliminate the tension.

Maybe you’re too close to it and don’t see it, or maybe I have an overactive imagination, but I think I know why Vanessa keeps pestering you, Erin: you’re a surfing, pistol packing attorney with an exotic, yet racially neutral look. Didn’t you ever see Point Break? You’re totally Keanu and Vanessa wants to be your Lori Petty, babe. Own it, deal with it, I have revealed it.

On the romantic front, Melissa is having problems with Jessica. They’ve been dating on and off for a year and want different things, so they seem to approaching the make it or break it point. As such, Melissa is the one we get to know the best in this episode, as she opens up about what she wants in her life for the future, and the personal difficulties she’s had to face in the past, revealing not just her vulnerability, but also her strength. Lastly, there’s Gingi, the new addition to the circle. She’s incredibly hot, and pretty much everyone in the group wants to fuck her, but there’s one small thing: she might not be a lesbian. Well, that might not be such a small thing, but it made me wonder how she got into the mix. We’ll have to see how it plays out in future episodes.

I have one minor beef involving the presentation: when Melissa and Michelle are having a total Hallmark moment talking about how Melissa’s family situation went bad when she was outed at 18, is it really necessary to have a bouncing ball ricochet around the screen (complete with sound effects) to tell me that I can get this shit on my Xbox? I don’t even have a fucking Xbox. I know that it’s pretty much a standard practice for those plugs to come up on the screen, and I’ve definitely seen worse. You ever watch Charm School? They’ll put up a fucking promo that covers the whole screen right in the middle of the shit. One time I was watching Nip/Tuck and during a quiet moment sirens suddenly blared from the speakers and before I could yell, "What the fuck is that?! The Emergency Broadcast System?!" half the screen burned away (complete with sound effects) to reveal a promo for Rescue Me. By comparison, a bouncing ball isn’t so bad, but does it have to be during the poignant moments? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to draw my attention to the Curl Girls fight at the BBQ during a scene where two hot chicks in bikinis are making out in a hot tub? Like I said, just a minor beef.

If you enjoy surfing or lesbians or surfing lesbians, then check out Curl Girls. I fuckin’ like it. So much in fact, I’ll even help you find it:

• Showtimes in the US (from TiVo)

• Download it to your TiVo (from Amazon.com [that’s not a typo])

• Watch it at Logo (from Logo [duh!])

• You can get it on your Xbox, but I have no fucking idea how!