I used to be on Facebook. Technically, I still am, but I’m locked out of my account and it’s hidden from public view. I know my account hasn’t been completely purged because I still get emails from them; the ones that tell you so and so posted a new photo or whatever in an attempt to get you to log in, which I am unable to do. I can’t even unsubscribe to those emails because I have to log in to do so.

So what happened? I initially set up a Facebook profile — wow, it’s been like 12 (twelve!) years ago, at least. I don’t know what the onboarding process is like now, but back then, among the information you were required to provide was a username and your “real name,” which was defined as the name you go by in your everyday life and that people generally know you by. For my username, I entered the same one I use everywhere, and for “real name,” I entered smile from The Lower East Side.