I debated throwing up another Billy Idol song, since it’s only been three weeks since I put one up. This is a classic of the masturbation music sub genre, yet it’s been covered by kids’ shows ranging from Kids Incorporated to Glee, as well as myriad other artists. The video embedded below, directed by Tobe Hooper, also seems to be primary visual influence for the television series, Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Here’s a masturbation song that I’m sure you’ll agree is suitable for Sunday. It’s from Tori Amos‘ second album, Under The Pink, which is not only a great album musically, but was great for hooking up with women around 20 years ago. On a personal note, I actually hadn’t heard this song in years because I’m pretty sure my CD was stolen by this racist chick I was banging around 10 years ago, but I can’t be sure, because it also could have been this wannabe starlet that I never got to bang. The point is, one day the CD didn’t turn up, and I have no idea what actually happened to it. For I all know, underpants gnomes transported it to the eighth dimension.
Anyway, the video embedded below is from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (of all places). I’m sure a large percentage of the folks watching thought she was singing about banging Jesus. By the way, I wish I could find an HD clip of this, because she looks stunning, but I don’t think they were shooting The Tonight Show in HD back in 1994.
I was going to dedicate this one to someone, but wasn’t sure it would be appropriate. I don’t really know her; she’s someone I run into in the neighborhood once in a while and have small talk with. Nothing very deep or probing. For example, the other day I found out what her mother’s favorite ice cream is and when reflecting back on the conversation later, I realized I don’t know what her favorite ice cream is. So I figure, for once, maybe I should err on the side of discretion. Ain’t that a shock?
You know, now that I think about it, it’s probably never a good idea to dedicate a masturbation song to someone. Could you imagine the end of American Graffiti? Wolfman Jack goes on the radio, all, “Yowza! Yowza! This is The Wolfman howling’ at you!! Can you hear me?!? AAAOOOHHH!! Suzanne Somers, I’m howlin’ at ya with a dedication from Richard Dreyfuss who says that even though he doesn’t know you very well, he often thinks about ya when he’s doin’ the five knuckle shuffle — and eatin’ your mama’s favorite ice cream! Can you dig it?!?”
Yeah. So much for discretion.
Every once in a while I get in an argument with someone about who performed this song. For some reason, people seem to think Blondie did it, but it’s by The Divinyls, and yes, Lucy Lawless has done a cover of it as well. The song has an unusual structure; most songs go VERSE/REFRAIN/VERSE/REFRAIN/BRIDGE/REFRAIN/VERSE/REFRAIN. I Touch Myself goes into the bridge very early, leading into the second verse. Despite this, it has a strong hook and an immediately catchy melody. The lyrics have a double entendre motif; one can look past the obviously sexual connotation to a deeper meaning, that of a great romantic or spiritual longing, which comes through in Christina Amphlett‘s singing.
Continuing with the masturbation theme, I had this Cyndi Lauper song in mind because she was on WWE Raw a few weeks back with Wendi Richter presenting The One Man Southern Rock Band (that’s an actual wrestler, I’m not making that shit up) with a gold record, basically for being a jerk off. I was going to embed the original video for the song, and point out that Wendi Richter is the waitress with the big earrings, you can spot Captain Lou Albano in rollers, and the guy that plays the biker/love interest is Dave Wolff, who was Lauper’s producer at the time, but I can’t find jack shit about him on the internet, except this old clip of Roddy Piper power slamming him after presenting Captain Lou with a gold record and kicking Cyndi in the face (which is the scenario Lauper’s recent WWE appearance was referencing). Read the rest of this entry