Escaped Orangutan

A harbinger of things to come. . .

Escaped Orangutan
"I will only talk to Roddy McDowall!"

In what seems to be a continuing global trend, another primate escaped from captivity and went after a human woman. You can click the picture to watch video of the latest escape and capture in Taiwan. The news readers seem to get a big kick out of it, but despite what the zoo propagandists would have you believe, an escaped primate is some serious shit. There are myriad ways a primate can fuck up a human such as inflicting puncture wounds, blunt force trauma, and good old fashioned herpes. The truly disturbing thing about all these stories is that the people in charge are generally like, "Duh. . . How did the gorilla escape? Um. . . fucked if I know!"

Escaped Gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo

Ape Escape

Escaped Gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo
Little did they know of the danger lurking in the shadows behind them. . .

The picture above cracked my shit up for about thirty minutes straight when I first saw it about thirty minutes ago (Note: I added the gorilla’s thought bubble). It’s from an article about an escaped gorilla at The Rotterdam Zoo. The shit is so wacky that if I didn’t read it at the BBC news site, I wouldn’t have believed it was a true story. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not cool that a woman got hurt while the gorilla was courting her, but the photo illustrates how clueless everyone at the zoo was. I watch 24 and I realize that if you’re looking one way, someone real stealth-like can get the drop on you from behind, but wouldn’t you be able to smell a fucking gorilla?!? Is this gorilla Roddy McDowall? Was he using Degree antiperspirant or something? Topping it off, the zoo workers can’t even figure out how the gorilla managed to escape his cage; the second half of the article reads like a hybrid of Land of the Dead and King Kong. The zoo director is even impressed with the gorilla, gushing, “He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable because gorillas can’t swim.” I like to think he used a tree branch to pole vault over the moat.