Lindsay Lohan and Garrett Hedlund in a scene from Georgia Rule

In Defense of Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan in a green bikini
"Don't hate me because I'm young, rich, famous, talented and beautiful, with a rockin' body to boot!"

 

I just got home and all day, every news paper I saw had Lindsay Lohan on the front cover. You already know the story, I’m sure, she crashed her car and got arrested for a DUI, then got her picture taken passed out and vomiting the day after she was released. All the papers critisized her for getting high/drunk so soon after getting out of the hospital. So, why does everyone assume she’s high/drunk in those photos? You know what happens when you do a shit load of drugs and booze on a daily basis for a long time and then one day you don’t do that same shit load of drugs and booze?

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Billie Piper

Eccelston is Who on BBC America

Christopher Eccelston as Doctor Who
"I'm also fantastic on Heroes!"

Just flipped over to BBC America and they’re showing the complete 2005 season of Doctor Who today. If you’re in America, haven’t seen it yet and have cable, check it out if you can. As good as David Tennant is in the role, Christopher Eccelston is the fucking Doctor! Don’t take our word for it, watch the video below and see what some regular folks thought.

Billie Piper
Cheerleaders are so overrated.

Billie Piper along for the ride as the impossibly sexy Rose Tyler, sharp writing by Russell Davies (and others), tight direction by Euros Lyn (and others) and strong support from Noel Clarke and Camille Coduri made this series the new bar to be reached.

UPDATE/CORRECTION: BBC America isn’t showing the complete 2005 series today; they skipped over the episodes “The Unquiet Dead,” “Aliens of London,” and “World War III.”

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Charles Nelson Reilly

Charles Nelson Reilly (1931-2007)

Charles Nelson Reilly
"I don't just play _____ on television, I am _____!"

I just saw on the Today show that Charles Nelson Reilly passed away over the weekend from complications related to pneumonia. He was a great comic actor who appeared in tons of films and television shows over the years. Check out the trailer for a movie of his autobiographical stage show The Life of Reilly if you’re not quite sure who he is:

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Tony Wright of Penzance

And I thought I couldn’t sleep

Tony Wright of Penzance
"I'm not a pirate!"

Tony Wright of Penzance has broken the Guinness Record for Sleep Deprivation by staying awake for 11 days and nights straight. Man, I get hazy after a couple of days without sleep. However, Guinness wasn’t impressed. In point of fact, they couldn’t give a fuck, since they no longer officially recognize the category because of the inherent health risks. As a fan of sleep deprivation, I feel Tony Wright deserves much props for his achievement, especially when you consider his choice of venue for the endeavor: a bar. Read how he did it and check out the BBC news video on him.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

When being profound, dress appropriately

Elisabeth Hasselbeck
"I can't help it if my breasts are beautiful!"

Everybody is talking about this clip from The View in which Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Rosie O’Donnell get into a heated argument about the Iraq War. As far as I’m concerned, Elisabeth Hasselbeck will never win any argument about anything as long as she keeps raiding General Zod‘s wardrobe; her breasts are too distracting. I couldn’t focus on anything she was saying for more than a second, so it kinded of sounded like she was ranting about a football game she had on her TiVo. I didn’t get it. I have the same problem with the movie Short Cuts, because apparently the scene where Julianne Moore explains what the hell is going on is the scene I always zone out on because her vagina is hanging out. Click continue reading to see the clip (from The View, not Short Cuts).

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Escaped Orangutan

A harbinger of things to come. . .

Escaped Orangutan
"I will only talk to Roddy McDowall!"

In what seems to be a continuing global trend, another primate escaped from captivity and went after a human woman. You can click the picture to watch video of the latest escape and capture in Taiwan. The news readers seem to get a big kick out of it, but despite what the zoo propagandists would have you believe, an escaped primate is some serious shit. There are myriad ways a primate can fuck up a human such as inflicting puncture wounds, blunt force trauma, and good old fashioned herpes. The truly disturbing thing about all these stories is that the people in charge are generally like, "Duh. . . How did the gorilla escape? Um. . . fucked if I know!"

Sylvester Stallone

This Preview is Definitely NOT Approved by the MPAA

Sylvester Stallone
"Yabba dabba doo!"

Rambo is no fucking joke. For real. I had to watch this trailer three times to make sure it wasn’t some kind of fan mash up. In any case, this is the most outrageous shit since Escape 2000. John Rambo 4 should be subtitled Leatherface Is A Bitch. The first half of the trailer is typical Stallone: hunting fish with an archery set while mumbling something about “not my business” and “not change anything.” At the midway point, the growth hormone kicks in and it is all about tearing people UP!! Literally. Watch this preview if you can stand it, but be warned: the tagline for John Rambo 4 for should be “The first one he decapitates. The second one he OBLITERATES. . .”

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